A Love Story About Monsters on Halloween 2020

Many of us are scared. None of us knows what to expect in the days to come, and most of us (regardless of political affiliation) believe that if the “wrong” Presidential candidate wins, hatred and/or tyranny will have prevailed. We anticipate violence and civil war.

Surely there are people whose unhealed traumas are surfacing, and they/we will act out in the weeks ahead. Because, as you know, hurt people hurt people. And none of us can shove our hurt and fear into our subconscious any longer. What we haven’t yet dealt with is demanding to be seen and reckoned with…otherwise it has been coming out (and will continue to come out) sideways, so to speak.

That’s why it’s time to heal the parts of ourselves that perceive reality through the lens of “The world is full of bullies, full of hate and violence, and there isn’t enough love for me to want to be on planet Earth.” And “the other side is bad.”

The truth is, the majority of us are loving, compassionate, good people. We’ve just become spiritually sick and we can no longer suppress it. There is a bright light in almost all of us. Kindwhile, that light is shining more brightly than it ever has and is exposing and provoking all of what lay hidden in our shadows. All of us are experiencing a collective purge.

When I was a child, I got stomach aches every single morning before going to school. Because anywhere beyond my bedroom felt dangerous. The nuns were cold. The kids were mean. As I grew into a teenager, I’d scream at my poor mom in rage, “Why did you give birth to me?! I don’t want to be here!”

When I got my driver’s license, I’d journey at top-speed through hills and valleys, caring not whether I crashed and died. I wanted off of this planet. I hated “the humans,” as I referred to people whose behaviors I loathed or whom I let intimidate me. It wasn’t until I became a therapist that I realized that hatred protected me from feeling compassion so deep it felt like heartbreak and twisted my gut into knots.

A few years ago, I started to re-remember what motivated my Soul to embody in this life, here and now. The words “Father, they know not what they do” started running through my awareness unbidden. The thoughts were not mine. I was being urged to forgive people for not being the way I thought they should be, acknowledge that I wasn’t unlike “them,” to make peace with my Soul’s decision to be a part of this Shift of Ages, to open my heart and let love in and out at its own divine will, and to perceive people at the soul level…which I now understand does actually stoke the fires of who they really are underneath of who they are not.

I get you who look around and wonder how we ended up in what feels like a hell full of goblins. But we are no different from the goblins. They are projections of what we all have disowned within ourselves. Where within ourselves do we feel like a monster? What part of ourselves are we ashamed of or hide for fear of being deemed unlovable and unworthy?

The truth is, we all have narcissistic, psychopathic, and sociopathic tendencies. There isn’t a soul on this planet who hasn’t played the role of perpetrator at one time or other and won’t do so again. We do it every single time we judge another person as wrong, bad, or less-than.

In order to feel less triggered and afraid of the “monsters,” can we look with unconditional compassion at the goblins within? Can we remember that we aren’t innately awful but that we adapted to circumstances early on that frightened or wounded us by creating monster-selves? The monsters aren’t who we are. They are parts of us that have lived in the darkness for so long, they’ve contorted into something ugly to get our attention during our dream states.

It’s time to love those monster-selves back out of the dark, to feel their hurt and usher them into wholeness. If you don’t know how to do this, ask me. Set the intention for it to happen, and you’ll be guided.

When we’re triggered by the social media post of a friend with whom we disagree, can we first notice what it’s evoking in us? Can we pause before responding and allow ourselves to feel the discord within? Can we breathe into and out of it wherever we feel it in our bodies and ask it what it fears and what it needs from us? Can we spend a little time with the feelings, holding them with compassion and love? We can alchemize our pain this way. And it will make it so much easier to listen deeply to each other. I mean REALLY LISTEN and understand each other’s motivations and points of view.

(Side note: I just watched one of the kindest souls on the face of this planet, someone to whom I’d entrust my life and my friendship, be attacked verbally and viciously online by longtime friends because his vote on Tuesday is not to vote. These friends of his were unable to take the time to understand his point of view because they were so triggered, upset, and in fear, and unable to courageously and vulnerably take responsibility for their emotions. They projected their monsters onto him and thus cut off someone whom I suspect would have given the shirt off of his back for them if ever they needed it without even being asked.)

You see, until we heal our spiritual sickness and integrate the parts of ourselves we are projecting onto others, we’ll continue to experience a world full of dark teachers. They’ll appear as tyrannical leaders, domestic terrorists, corrupt systems, or cruel neighbors, depending on our personal perspectives. They won’t go away until we’ve made peace with ourselves.

When at last we love every aspect of ourselves, we access the exquisite pain-pleasure of compassion for all living things–no matter who they are or what they do. This is how we achieve unity mindset and at-oneness with all living things and never, ever again feel alone or unloved. And this is how we will change the world. For as I sit in full presence with all of my clients’ self-perceived goblins and love them with all of my heart, they transform before my very eyes into the bright beings they were before they ever believed the lies that they are less than perfectly imperfect. We are all called now to see each other in this way, giving each other 110% permission to be EXACTLY as we are NO MATTER WHAT (which, by the way, doesn’t mean we don’t set healthy boundaries; we can still bless those who insist on intentionally hurting us and send them with unconditional love to be on their way).

On this Samhain, when the veil is thinnest and the light of the full moon illuminates what we’ve been trying to hide from ourselves, let’s ask our ancestors for guidance and support. Deep soul work is not for the feint of heart—and that’s why WE are here. Because we knew we could do this, NOW. We knew we could heal the trauma of our ancestors and purge the wounds from the human collective. The payoff, I promise, is well worth our efforts. And it’s getting closer. There is a dawn that will come that I’ve felt in my belly and seen in visions, and it takes my breath away. It’s so close, I feel I can almost touch it.

So together, let’s get through these birthing pains. We’ll soon enough find out just how stunningly beautiful and amazing we all are underneath of all of what we are not. The truth is, I already see it. I see YOU.

— Allison Brunner, LCSW, Body Talks Therapy

Be the Joy You Wish to See in the World

“I don’t know if I have it in me,” a friend confided in me recently. He was referring to the work that lies ahead in restoring harmony and peace on the planet following the election of Donald Trump for U.S. President and the outbreak of hate crimes and hate speech that have ensued.

Some clients and friends carry the heaviness of the world on their shoulders and in their hearts. In their commitment to alleviate post-election division and stand up for human rights and the health of our Earth, they seem exhausted, worried, and intensely focused.

While their emotions are warranted, I wonder how often they’re laughing.

Following several national tragedies last spring and summer, people processed their pain by doing what’s human and considered a natural stage of grieving: drawing attention to the problem, railing against a broken system, and posting violent videos on Facebook. Then I encountered in my newsfeed a photograph of a butterfly on the beach. A therapist friend musing at that day’s magic at the Jersey Shore had taken it.

She worried it was inappropriate, she later shared with me in a text. She didn’t want to seem insensitive.

Together though we intuited that it was exactly what the world needed. People were spiraling into a pit of despair; someone who was able needed to anchor some light.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” —Martin Luther King, Jr.

Albert Einstein proved that all matter is comprised of energy. Emotions are energy as well. According to the Law of Vibration, energy is always vibrating. The speed at which energy vibrates can be measured in hertz (Hz); one hertz equals one vibrational cycle per second.

Joy vibrates at 540 Hz, or 540 cycles of vibration per second. Anger vibrates at 150 Hz.

The lower the vibration, the slower the vibration; the higher, the faster. Fear vibrates at 100, for example, love at 528 Hz. [i]

When large numbers of beings not only focus their attention on but experience such high-frequency states as oneness, unity, forgiveness, communion, gratitude, and generosity, there is a palpable shift in our collective vibration. We feel it on Thanksgiving or Christmas Day, for example, and it’s measurable and explained by science.

Raising the planet’s vibration affects the way we think, feel, and act. It can impact the trajectory of our evolution.

The same thing occurs when we focus collectively on the world’s troubles and the weight of what lies ahead.

“If you want to find the secrets of the universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration.” ―Nicola Tesla

Make no mistake: we must feel our feelings in order to avoid suppressing and experiencing them later as physical, mental, or spiritual illness. As we’re called then to participate in our own way to create solutions, we can do so more powerfully and without burning out if we allow such higher-frequency emotions as joy, compassion and inspiration to motivate us.

It doesn’t always have to be difficult; it can be as simple as inviting friends to a good meal, hiking on a beautiful day, hanging holiday lights, singing out loud to music that moves us, dancing, gazing at nature’s wonders, and, most importantly, laughing.

For we must be that which we long to manifest in the world.

How do we do that when we’re upset or afraid? First, we cultivate self-compassion for the parts of ourselves that are hurting. Remember that emotions are impermanent and move through us in waves. As much as is tolerable, become present to what is and trust that it will pass; we cannot resist or will ourselves to feel differently. See if you can observe or witness your experience rather than identifying with it until the pain begins to shift. (For more, read “One Way to Heal Emotional Pain: Do Nothing.”)

Quantum physics’ principle of resonance states that when two frequencies are brought together, the lower will always rise to meet the higher. By stepping into joy and embodying our best selves, we transmute greed, separation, fear, and the like. With every thought, word, giggle, and guffaw, we can change the world—and yes, even those who hold political office.

[i] Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender, David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., Hay House, Inc., 2012.

—Allison Brunner, LCSW, RM, Body Talks Therapy

Love Yourself to Heal Our Nation

Following is an essay I wrote almost two years ago; following the U.S. Presidential election of 2016, its relevance remains:

Tuesday, November 25, 2014, about 18 hours after the announcement in Ferguson, Missouri, that White police officer Darren Wilson would not be indicted for fatally shooting unarmed, Black, 18-year-old Michael Brown last summer:

Helicopters hover about a quarter of a mile from my office on the ninth floor of a skyscraper in downtown Philadelphia. I’m trying to communicate something to my client but am distracted by the noise and the emotions it evokes. Thwop, thwop, thwop, thwop, thwop. The chopper blades quicken and seem to multiply, and my heartbeat hastens to match their cadence. I stop mid-sentence. “I’m sorry,” I tell my client. We exchange pained looks. We know that just a few blocks away protesters are chanting through megaphones as they prepare to march up Broad Street and demonstrate.

I can feel our nation’s collective rage, grief, indignation, and confusion gnawing at my heart and my gut in a way that briefly interferes with my ability to stay in my body—because I feel like I should be doing something. Part of me wants to cradle the nation in my arms and soothe it as I would a distraught child.

I look at the human being sitting across from me. I know that this is where I’m called to be, in this moment, supporting her on her journey so that she can heal and go into the world and touch others similarly. I breathe, bow inwardly to what’s present, and focus my attention on her.

In the moments that follow, the separation between her, me, and the hurt people all over the country dissolves. By touching into the place in myself and loving that which is human in me, I am anchoring the space and holding compassion for her humanness, for everyone’s humanness. Here there is unconditional positive regard and love for all beings.

At the close of my work day, I tend to e-mails, text messages, and missed phone calls. I’m invited to an organized rally in which its photograph on Facebook is, I’m told later, of a protester throwing a molotov cocktail back at the police who threw it into a crowd. Why would they post a photo that could mistakenly lead people to believe their aim is violent, I ask organizers. I’m attacked for my ignorance regarding the “iconic image” and sent private hate mail to my Facebook inbox. “A violent system must be overturned by a violent revolution,” a stranger wrote to me.

My body moves as if underwater, and my thoughts disappear into fog. I decide before I meditate to check my Facebook newsfeed to find out whether the protests taking place all over the country have remained peaceful. What I discover is that people are not just hurting. They’ve lost their minds. I scroll through my smart-phone and see folks lashing out via social media, using terms like, “punks, pigs, Nazis, animals, bigots, racists, animals, savages,” and on and on. One article after another emerges, pointing fingers this way and that. No one is listening to anyone else. Most have become hypnotized into an “us vs them” mentality.

Everyone has a right to their anger, I tell myself. You’re a therapist, you know this. Rage comes out sideways. It must be felt before it can heal, I repeat the mantra I tell my clients. Then my own tears begin to fall. “I have a right to my grief, too,” I whisper. Just as I counsel others to do, I allow the sadness to move through me, give it time to just be.

I sit in meditation afterwards, asking then letting go of the question: How can I serve the greater good in this turbulence? The answer feels warm in my “gut” and then translates into words, for me, for you, for all who wonder, what can we do?

Everyone’s role in healing our planet is unique. For some, it’s writing, acting, painting, or singing. For others it’s legislating, organizing, rallying, or wearing a police badge and enforcing the law. Still others must raise a new generation who will change the social climate. And others will change the world by being their best selves. Only you can access the wisdom within yourself to know exactly how to play it.

But the message is this: It starts with you. Love yourself. Because if you don’t, then you cannot fully love others in that deep and selfless way that facilitates the mending of others’ hearts. If when you witness other people’s behaviors and are quick to label them with hate or with even the slightest tinge of judgment, then you do not love yourself—for the external is a mirror to your internal world. If you accept your imperfections with full compassion, then your perception of the flaws in others will shift as well. Rather than a “punk or a pig,” you’ll see a human being who is afraid, suffering, or does not love himself.

You’ll see something else: that he is you. That they are us. That the only distinction between yourself and others is three-dimensional in space and time. You’ll know on a level beyond reason: We are ONE. There is only one human race, indivisible. Separation is an illusion.

—Allison Brunner, LCSW, RM, Body Talks Therapy